We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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