sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
