there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
