I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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