I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
