we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
