I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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