Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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