please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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