Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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