It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
