Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
