Please, let me fuck your mom
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have post one night stand depression
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
