gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
