I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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