I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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