i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Michael Bay diarrhea
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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