Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
