she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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