By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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