update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
