Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
