R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
