just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
