glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I look better un-naked...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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