PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
