During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
