I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
