my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
