I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
