your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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