I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
