I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
