i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
