Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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