I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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