taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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