so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
