I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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