There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
