She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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