I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
