U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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