I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize