The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize