THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
