It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
