Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
