Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.