I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.