my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone