The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour