how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.