We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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