I CAN MOONWALK!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
