Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
