Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it hurts more in the daytime
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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