Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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