apparently the secret to your success is patron
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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