I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
