you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
