God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
