They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
