Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
