Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
