i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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