Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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