You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
