I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
