I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
