physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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