Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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