i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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