There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
